Back To Hawaii!

My wife and I are on the verge of celebrating 10 years of marriage. It's been amazing, and absolutely full - of both the good, the bad and the ugly. But every day of every week of every month of every year has made us fall more in love. 

In honor of our 10 year anniversary, we'll be traveling back to where our marriage really began. The Big Island of Hawaii. I surprised Tenielle recently by making an awesome, but basic, Hawaiian meal. We do this several times a year, but this time it came with the surprise announcement that Hawaii is where we'd be spending our anniversary. She has been dreaming of a getaway before the Velociraptor arrives in January, and so this was a fun night. 

And of course, the food was great. 

Making some ono kine grinds ("really tasty food" for you hau'ole's) that will take you to the islands in the comfort of your dining room is really not that difficult. This meal, and the one I'm about to show you how to make is made up of the following:

- Sticky Rice (got a rice cooker? If not, go buy one...) 

- Potato Mac Salad

- Kalbi Ribs

- Kahlua Pig & Cabbage

Put it all together and you got a broke da mout' meal. (English? So good it'll break your mouth)

Here goes:

Step One: Get your pork ready. You'll want a 3-4lb bone-in pork butt. The booty. The rear. The derriere. The junk in the trunk. You get the picture. It's the best part of the pork when it comes to making something you can shred later. Full of flavor. It also should come with a nice fat cap. That's gonna melt while you slow cook it and impart all that ridiculous porky fatty goodness. Don't miss the bone either. You really REALLY wanna find a cut that still has the bone, so don't skimp.

Get your heat source ready. If you have a smoker, set it to 225. For the wood, you'll use mainly cherry, with a small amount of hickory mixed in. You don't want a lot of hickory, cause the flavor is super strong. Bacon and hickory go very well together, but for Kahlua pig, you want the lighter cherry wood.

If you don't have a smoker, you're gonna have to forego the smoke, unless you want to add a little bit of liquid smoke to the pork. You could use the grill, but for the amount of time you need to cook this thing, you really don't want to have to worry about it. The next best step is either your slow cooker or oven.

If you're using the slow cooker, you're gonna set it to low and cook the pork for about 17 hours. If you're using the oven, preheat it to 350.

Take the pork and sprinkle it all over with a good amount of sea salt. Hawaiian salt if you can find it, but sea salt is just fine too. If you're not using a smoker, this is where you can add your liquid smoke. (no more than a 1/2 tablespoon.)

Then get your banana leaves. If you live in Yakima, you can find them at Fiesta Foods. If you don't live in Yakima, check out your International Food store. Wrap the pork roast in the banana leaves, and don't skimp. I used 4 leaves, wrapping two around the length of the pork, and tying it off, then wrapping two around the width of the pork and tying it off.

If you just can't get banana leaves, then cover the pork with spinach, and then wrap the pork in cabbage leaves. A lot. It will protect the pork, and impart a little extra flavor from the spinach. Tie it up with some kitchen twine. If you are cooking it in the oven, wrap it in foil. For the smoker, you will cook the pork for a total of 8-9 hours. Add wood chips once every hour, for the first 3 hours. After that, just let it cook so that the smoke doesn't overwhelm the rest of the flavor. Make sure to place some sort of pan under the pork to collect the juices that drain out. You'll use those later. Again, 17 hours in the slow cooker, and then about 5 hours in the oven if you're going that route. Plan accordingly, 17 hours will give you a beautiful end result, but it's not very schedule friendly.

When the pork is done, and you're finalizing the entire meal, you'll shred the pork with a couple of forks (won't be a struggle there!) and then you'll shred a small head of cabbage. In a large pan, add the shredded pork, the cabbage, the juices (remember from earlier?) and 2 cups of chicken stock. Turn up the head to medium high and bring to boil. Reduce to medium, and cover. Let it do it's thing for a few minutes, and check it to see that the cabbage is wilting. You don't want it to steam too much, soggy cabbage is not what we're going for here! When this process is done, hopefully you've got everything else ready to go as well. Oh... which means we probably better go back in time.

Kalbi Ribs! Proof that God loves me, and proof that He loves you too. Never had them? Well, you'll soon be in full agreement.

The day before you plan on cooking this meal is the ideal time to begin marinating the ribs. I've done a 2 day marinade, an overnight marinade, and a 2 hour marinade. I will never be doing the 2 hour marinade again, because it's a complete dishonoring of the beautiful cow that gave it's life so that I could feast on it's (short) ribs. Do you know what you're looking for in the ribs? Here - get this - and get lots, trust me, they won't last long:

Okay, I have to be honest. I always just throw the following ingredients together, but I'm gonna do my best to give you some measurements. The truth is that you really can't go wrong as long as you keep the following in the mind: Lots of fresh garlic, lots of soy sauce (preferably "Aloha" brand shoyu), and lots of brown sugar. It all depends on how many ribs you're doing, but for a family of 4, I'd plan on using about 5-6 cups of soy sauce, 1/2 lb. of brown sugar (at least) and about 8 cloves of garlic, chopped. 

And then to that, add a little sesame oil (1 Tbl) red wine (1/4 cup) ginger powder (1 Tbl) and green onion (to your liking, optional). Mix all of those things together, and then check it. You want it to be pretty sweet. The sugars are going to caramelize on the outside of the ribs when you grill them, and those caramel-y bits will make you want to jump in the car, leave your family, and find a dark alley to consume every last rib by yourself. I struggle with this temptation each and every time. 

Pour the marinade over the ribs when you think you've got it right. Mix it around so that you get the sauce touching every surface, cover it up, and let it sit in the fridge overnight.

When it's time to cook the ribs, turn your grill on to it's highest heat and allow it to warm up. When it's ready, YOU need to be ready because these suckers cook FAST! Throw the ribs on the grill, close the lid, and wait two minutes. When you open the lid, the smell and the beauty of those ribs are going to slap you in the face. You won't even be mad. Flip those ribs, and then cook for 1 minute more. That's it. You're done.

Alright, are you ready for the last component? The potato mac salad? I've never seen this done outside of Hawaii. My first response was "who the heck mixes macaroni and potatoes?" I'll tell you who. Smart, brilliant, lovely, delightful Hawaiians. That's who. And it's crazy simple.

Make this the morning before you plan on serving the meal. It'll sit in the fridge and build flavor.

Take your potatoes, 5 medium or 3 fatties, peel em, and then cut them up into about 2 inch pieces. Boil them in salted water for about 10 minutes, and then drain. Put on the side and let cool. In another pot, boil a pound of elbow noodles according to the packages directions in salt water (should be about 9 minutes). Drain, and then rinse with cold water.

In a big bowl, combine the potatoes and the macaroni. To that, add about a cup of mayonnaise (REAL mayonnaise, don't go for the nasty sweet stuff). Add to that about 2 Tablespoons of grated onion, 2 teaspoons of garlic powder, and salt & pepper to taste. That's it. Throw it in the fridge, and pull it out right before serving.

Finally, get out your rice cooker for the sticky rice. Don't have a rice cooker? Go buy one. Make rice. Don't know how to make rice? Stop reading. Go to the store, buy some canned soup, and forget everything you've just read.

I'm just kidding. Sort of. If you don't know how to cook rice and you don't have a rice cooker, here's a good plan. Wash the rice, a few times, and then add it to the pot you plan to cook it in. Then place your hand on top of the rice, and add water until it reaches the knuckle on your middle finger. I don't know why this works but it does. Add some salt, and bring the water to boil. When the water starts boiling, reduce to medium low, and then cover. For two cups of, you'll let it do it's thing for about 10 minutes. When the rice is absorbed, remove from heat, cover and let sit for 10 minutes before serving.

Okay - now put it all together. Serve the Kahlua Pig and Cabbage over the sticky rice, alongside the Kalbi Ribs and the Potato Mac Salad. I served mine with some Shirley Temples. I make mine with lemon-lime soda, a little bit of margarita mix, and a dash of Grenadine. Throw some Braddah Iz in the stereo, and you'll be eating local style in no time - no matter where you are! And remember, this is Hawaiian food - you don't eat til you're full, you eat til you're tired. So make sure your couch is clear, you won't want to move for awhile after this meal. And that's not a bad thing at all!


Because Eating Good Is A Calling Of It's Own, 
The Fat Pastor

KAHLUA PIG & CABBAGE
Ingredients: 
3-4 Lb. Bone-In Pork Butt
4 Banana Leaves
Sea Salt
Cherry & Hickory wood for the smoker (if using)
2 Tsp. Liquid Smoke if you're not using the smoker
1 Small head of cabbage
4 cups Chicken Stock

Directions: 
Preheat the smoker to 225, or the oven to 350. Sprinkle sea salt on the pork, and then wrap in the banana leaves, and tie off with your kitchen twine. Don't forget the liquid smoke if you're not using a smoker.  It's best to do two lengthwise, and then two around the width. Place in the smoker, and add your cherry wood and hickory wood (Only a little bit of hickory so as not to overpower the other flavors). Add smoke each hour for 3 hours, and then allow to continue cooking on it's own. Check after 8-9 hours. Pork should be falling off the bone, and easy to shred. Collect the juices that should have dripped off the pork, and save for the cabbage. If you are cooking the pork in the oven, check it after 5 hours. If in the slow-cooker, it's gonna take about 17 on the low setting.

Shred cabbage, and combine with pork. Add to a pan with 4 cups of chicken broth and juices from the smoker. Bring to a boil, and then reduce heat. Steam the cabbage for a few minutes until cabbage is "al dente." Serve over sticky rice.

KALBI RIBS
Ingredients:
2 lbs. Beef Short Ribs
6 Cups Soy Sauce
1/2 Lb. Brown Sugar
8 Cloves Garlic, Chopped
2 Green Onions, chopped
1 Tbl. Ginger Powder
1 Tbl. Sesame Oil
1/4 Cup Red wine (optional)
Toasted Sesame Seeds (optional)

Directions: 
Marinate your short ribs overnight in all the ingredients, except for the sesame seeds. Keep in the refrigerator, and remove about 30 minutes prior to grilling. Heat the grill to high, and add the ribs. Cook for 2 minutes with the grill down, and then flip. Cook for 1 minute longer, and then transfer to a plate and serve, sprinkled with sesame seeds if you like!

POTATO MAC SALAD
Ingredients:
3 Medium, or 5 large Potatoes, skinned and chopped into 2" pieces
1 Lb. Elbow Noodles
1 Cup Real Mayonnaise
2 Tbl. Grated Yellow Onion
2 Tsp. Garlic Powder
Salt & Pepper To Taste

Directions: 
Boil the potatoes in salted water for 10 minutes. Drain and allow to cool. Cook the elbow noodles according to the package directions and rinse with cold water. Combine in a big bowl, and add the remaining ingredients. Mix well, and check for taste. Refrigerate until ready to use.